Wednesday, August 19, 2015

It was more than tears...

Seriously I did not want to cry. I wanted to be strong.

I was dying inside... I was breaking inside but on the outside I was trying to show everyone that I was strong... The more I faked boldness, the more lonely and empty i felt.

I was hurting but no one cared.  Family seem not to care, they said nothing to me… I was meaningless to them. Maybe they see me as a troublesome boy, I didn’t know.

But only two people showed love;

My mum told me... you got to be strong and my brother said things will be alright.

I was 14 years old. I had just lost my Dad on this same 20th of August many years ago.

This was the only person together with my mum who understood me… who once fainted because I broke my hand while playing with my brother.

At that point I prepared myself to die. I was going to jump into the grave alive! I told no one, I was silently awaiting the burial…

On that morning of the burial, it was a Saturday, my Dad corpses was being prepared for burial…

I lost control.

I ran into the room where he lay, I jumped on his lifeless body… I kissed him, I hugged him. They had to pull me away to dress him up.

Guess what?
I had a very strong faith that he will wake up! Ever since I heard of his death, I had been praying for God to raise him and I believed.

So that morning… I was expecting him to wake up. He will wake up and everyone will be shocked! Then they took him to Church… on our way home to finally put him in the grave, I was walking in front of the ambulance, the tyre of the car rolled over my leg, I felt no pain.
As the Pastor was praying… he said ‘dust to dust…’ I was still expecting him to open the casket and come out.

When it was time to cover the stones… I guess my brother or someone read my intentions to go in… as I was about to let myself in, someone grabbed me.

I didn’t remember what happened from that point onward… except I remember someone said, maybe a family member ‘let’s see how he will survive now that the Dad is no more’

The next day I was still expecting him to wake up! I will go to the grave, hoping to hear him screaming ‘someone open this grave and let me out’

Then I will gladly look for hammer and break the concrete.

Well, ever since then… my life has never been the same… A mighty void was created. I forcefully recoiled into my shell to take a second look at a world better imagined that seen.
Abel Udo Ekene SNR was and is the best Dad ever!

As am writing this… I will soon go to bed.

And when I awake in the morning, I will be on the way to Akwa Ibom.

Then I will sit on his grave… I will remember those days… maybe tears will fall from my eyes or maybe a smile on my lips. It been a long journey but am still Daddy’s boy.

I will be writing more at my new public blog

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